Money and Relationship (1)

Money remains one of the most powerful forces that influence human lives. The Book of Success, the Bible says: “Money answereth all things” (Ecclesiastes 10:19b). But the question is: given its powerful influence, does money influence relationship? To what extent does money influence relationship? 

Looking at money from the proper perspective, one can say that money actually plays a vital role in any relationship. A relationship that is destined to thrive must put money in its proper perspective. Money is needed to meet the basic needs – food, clothing and shelter. Money is needed to strengthen relationship. A family man who wants to earn respect, dignity and love of his family members must play his role as the breadwinner. 

The well being of the entire family is anchored on money. Where there is enough money to cater for the family members, all other things being equal, the relationship should thrive. 

But is money the ultimate or the most important thing in a relationship? Can a relationship thrive without money? Or can money replace other things in a relationship? 

My answers to these questions are in the negative. I know why I say money is not the ultimate in a relationship. I know why I say relationship can thrive when there is only little money. I know why I say money cannot be substituted for other things in a relationship. 

By providence, I have spent several years in the rural areas, though I was not born and raised in the village. By virtue of my dual lifestyle as a town man and a village man, I have observed and learned great lessons about money and relationship. 

In the urban areas, I observe that people enjoy high standard of living. There is so much money to spend and there are more money making opportunities in the urban areas. In many cases, couples have money to meet the basic necessities of life and a little more to spend on luxuries. But in spite of all these, there are many reported cases of family problems and divorce among couples compared to the occurrence in the rural areas. 

My observation as a village man is that there is low standard of living in the rural areas. There are few things to muse about. You don’t need much to enjoy your life in the rural areas.  

But do you know that in spite of the poor condition of living in the rural areas, family problems and divorce are not so rampant there? You hardly hear of divorce in the rural areas.  The rate of divorce in the rural areas is very low compared to the one in the urban areas. Marital problems and divorce are not common in the rural areas as they are in the town and cities. 

     

Couples still stay together in spite of low standard of living in the rural areas. In fact, if a man can cultivate a few acres of farmland and plant few crops and his wife can do some petty trading, the issue of money is solved. And once the issue of money is put to rest, all other things being equal, the family enjoys marital bliss. 

I have also observed that in the towns and cities, many low income earners enjoy marital bliss than some high income earners. I have talked with a married lady in Lokoja, Kogi State capital, who told me that money used to cause problem between her and her husband. 

But he said the stage they have now reached in their marital life, money could no longer cause problem between them. She said despite their low income, they have agreed never to allow money to cause problem between them. Some high income earners may have all the money they want, yet they have more marital problems than low income earners.

 

Putting a Square Peg in a Square Hole

From my observation above, it seems to me that relationship can thrive even when there is not much money. Once couple can meet their basic needs and maintain love and affection, which form part of the ingredients of a successful marriage, and both parties are desirous of keeping their marriage or relationship intact, they would definitely enjoy a blissful relationship.

As far as relationship is concerned, many factors come into play to make it thrive – love, affection, communication, tolerance, submission, understanding, respect, etc. Each of these factors has its role to play.

Money is not everything. Money only plays some parts in any relationship. If money is allowed to play its role in a relationship, the relationship would thrive. But if money is employed to play roles other than its role, the relationship would starve in some ways.

For instance, money cannot play the role of affection. Money cannot give the partner all the affection he or she desires. Where you substitute affection with money there will be problem in the relationship. Money can strengthen a relationship if it plays its role in the relationship.

In fact, by my observation, I can say that in the absence of money, relationship will thrive, provided all other factors such as love, affection, communication, tolerance, submission, understanding, respect, etc are intact. 

Contentment is the Key

By my observation, I think the key to marital success is CONTENTMENT and not affluence. Where affluence is made to replace other critical factors like love and affection, there may be problem in the relationship. This is because money cannot play the role of love, affection and communication. 

Contentment should be the watchword among partners. Money or no money, the relationship can still continue. That you don’t have money today doesn’t mean you will not have it tomorrow. 

I believe if partners are desirous of staying together and are willing to sprinkle love and affection on each other, they would still enjoy a happy and successful relationship, even when there is not much money to lavish. If you take money out of a relationship and other factors are intact, the relationship will still thrive. But if you bring in all the money to replace other factors, the relationship would collapse.

The key is contentment. IF, DESPITE THE POOR CONDITION OF LIVING IN THE RURAL AREAS PEOPLE STILL ENJOY MARITAL BLISS, IT MEANS THERE IS MORE TO RELATIONSHIP THAN MONEY.

The bottom line is: MONEY DOESN’T BRING HAPPINESS. IF YOU THINK YOU WOULD BE HAPPY IF YOU ACQUIRE ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD, YOU ARE DECEIVING YOURSELF. YOU DON’T NEED SO MUCH TO BE HAPPY. YOU ARE AS HAPPY AS YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO BE.

Abraham Lincoln said: “People are as happy as they make up their mind to be.” Partners can stay happily together if they learned to make do with the little they have while working hard to improve on their financial status.

The Master, Jesus has warned that “A man’s life doesn’t consist of the abundance of things he possesses.” Note that Jesus is not condemning affluence or riches, but what he is emphasizing is that we should not see affluence as the ultimate in life. The key, again, is contentment. 

Dear reader, undoubtedly, money has a vital role to play in a relationship. However, money is not the ultimate. Other factors come into play to make the relationship successful. The key to success in a relationship is putting all factors in their proper place.

Money is not the ultimate and should not be made to replace love and affection. You don’t need so much money to enjoy a fruitful and successful relationship. All you need is contentment while you work harder to acquire more money.

Until I come your way soon, go and put things in proper perspective and you will enjoy happy and successful relationship! 

NB: watch out for part 2 of this article which shall come your way soon. Don’t miss it!