Money and Relationship (3)

Welcome to part 3 of this article. In the previous part (part 2), we deliberated on the need to bring in money to play its role in a relationship. We stressed that we should not undermine the role of money in a relationship. 

Here in this final part of the article, we are going to discuss the issue of exaggerating the role of money in a relationship. Life is not all about money. The Master Jesus warns: “For a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of things he possesseth” (Luke 12:15). 

A man who goes out making money for months and years without coming home to be with his wife and children may starve his wife and children of love and affection. The man may be sending home surplus funds for the upkeep of the family, but because he is not at home to give love and affection, the wife may feel the absence of her husband. The children may also grow up without getting to know much about their father. 

Someone has explained instances where a man travelled to foreign land in search of greener pastures. He left his wife and children behind. He remained there working for several years and kept sending huge money home for his wife and children. 

The wife, starved of affection and love, turned to their “maigad” (security man guarding their house) to establish extra marital relationship with him. The husband, on the other hand, keeps himself relaxed with foreign ladies abroad. 

Where a man or woman is starved of love and affection, there is no amount of money that can satisfy him or her. There is a saying: “For every action, there is a reaction.” When you pursue money at the expense of other factors, you put the relationship in a collapsed or near-collapsed situation.

As a breadwinner, you should strive to bring in the money to take care of the members of your family. You should do that with all your might, for you can never be happy if you fail to play your role as a breadwinner.

But there is no justification for abandoning your family for years in search of money. If couples are not separated or divorced by an order of court and they both live apart for years, it won’t augur well for the entire family. 

 Do you know that under Nigerian law, one of the circumstances in which the court will conclude that a marriage has broken down irretrievably is when couples live apart for two years? The partner that finds the absence of the other partner intolerable for those two years can file a petition for divorce on this ground of living apart for two years.

If the petitioner (the partner filing divorce suit) finds it intolerable to continue in the marriage on the ground that they have lived apart for two years, and our courts would grant divorce on that same ground that couple have lived apart for two years, it means there is more to living together on the part of the couple than money. 

Love and affection can make the relationship to continue even when there is not much money to live large. But money cannot strengthen a relationship in the absence of love and affection.

 

I am a living witness to an occasion where parents forced their daughter to marry a very rich man in their community. The girl never bought into the idea her parents were drumming into her ears about marrying the rich man. I know the parents of this girl and I know they really had good intention for their daughter. They wanted their daughter to marry the rich man so that she would not suffer hardship. 

But the girl seemed to know what her parents did not know. The girl seemed to perceive that the rich man and her were never compatible and never in love. But her parents used their power of persuasion to get their daughter to marry the rich man. 

But no sooner had they got married than trouble started. They never agreed on anything. They were always at loggerheads. She bore two children for the rich man and after just few years, the girl called it quit with him. It was not that the money was not there. 

The money was there. The money was there for the girl to buy anything she wanted, but the love that was necessary for the relationship to thrive was not there. The relationship degenerated to the extent that the girl started insulting her husband (a man that is older than her father).

It has always been like that. Any time money is seen as the ultimate in a relationship, that relationship will suffer and eventually hit the rock.

Some things are more important than money. Love and affection are more important than money. Money should not be the first thing to look for in a relationship. If you focus on money and fail to consider other things that will make the relationship to thrive, you may be taking a wrong step. 

To make a relationship thrive, you must not only consider money, you must also consider other factors like love. Do you really love your partner or is it the partner’s money you are after? Love is not supposed to be one-sided, it must be mutual. 

Affection should also follow naturally. And where there is love and affection, you can proceed to talk about money. Money will be a wonderful combination when other factors in a relationship are put in their rightful places.        

In the absence of other factors in a relationship, money is worthless. An Igala proverb says: “If you live in a comfortable home and you have no peace, a thatched house is better.” Money can’t buy happiness. Money can’t buy love and affection. In fact, money remains a bad substitute for love and affection.

 

YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL THRIVE IF YOU MAKE LOVE AND AFFECTION A PRIORITY. THIS IS BECAUSE MONEY HAS NEVER AND CAN NEVER TAKE THE PLACE OF LOVE AND AFFECTION. 

If money can take the place of love and affection, there would be little marital problems and divorce will be a rarity. From what is happening in the world, it is as though too much money in a relationship causes a lot of problems in the relationship. 

 A marriage was contracted and celebrated some time ago in a foreign country by one of the richest men in the world. Shortly after the grand celebration, the couple decided to divorce because they realized that they were not compatible! In some cultures, this is really shocking! You just got married and some hours later you divorced because you discovered both of you are not compatible!

Be that as it may, there is an eye-opener here: as important as money is, money can play only its role in a relationship. Money cannot play the role of compatibility, love and affection. If the rich man’s money could not sustain his marriage for just one day, then, this should ring a bell in our ears that we should stop seeing money as the ultimate in a relationship.

 

To be happy in your relationship, you should focus on those factors that can sustain your relationship for a life time. Love and affection will help sustain a relationship. Respect for each other will also strengthen a relationship. So also is tolerance.

Money or no money, where these factors are in place, relationship will thrive. It is the mistake of making money the ultimate in a relationship that is ruining relationships. 

In the mathematics of relationship, you should learn to balance the equation. If the equation is not balanced, you would get it wrong. As far as relationship is concerned, you are a mathematician and as a mathematician, you should allow each factor to play its role so that the relationship can thrive. 

Till I come your way soon, go and balance the equation so that the relationship can thrive! Go and live victoriously!